Friday Giantblogging and The Truman/Erik Show

Alright, my first Giantblog! To start off, today they were drinking more of that bubbly yellow stuff that makes cats sick, I think they call it "bear" or something. That just makes no sense to me, I mean if it makes cats sick than it probably makes giants sick too. Who knows, maybe giants like to get sick? They like plenty of other weird things. Shaving, for example. Who likes to cut the fur off of their face?? It's so ridiculous! You wouldn't see a cat walking around with his face fur shaven. You wouldn't even see a dog like that! Crazy giants...


I don't really have anything else on my giants today, but I do have a story that you might find interesting:

So, the giants and I were watching a movie on Netflix last night, called The Truman Show (I thought it was a show. Super confusing name). It's about this guy named Truman (duh) who's life is documented 24/7 without his knowledge. I liked this movie, the funny parts were very funny and the sad parts were very sad, but it got me to thinking; is this happening to me?

Obviously, I have some evidence to back this up.

When I sit on the couch with my giants, I sometimes see them looking at pictures and videos on their laptop. This is normal, giants always do this. But for the last few weeks they've been looking at videos and pictures of things for a cat's-eye-view, and I can almost always see my shadow or hear conversations I've had with other cats! I've seen pictures and videos of Beauty-Spot, of my brothers and of stuff in the yard--and I remember when I did these things so I know that I'm not just crazy. Here's one of the pictures that I got ahold of (this was taken a few days ago, when I was following a bug through the flowerbeds):

 

 

How could they get possibly ahold of these, and more importantly why?

 

Chances are that they're broadcasting The Erik Show, live to the whole world! Now, don't worry, I don't think that everything is fake in my life and that I live in an enclosed space, because last year I moved across the country with my giants, so I know that it's only the pictures and videos.

 

Now that I have this information, all I have to do now is find out where the hidden camera's are. In the movie, they were in places like pins that people were wearing, other articles of clothing, stuff along those lines. The problem is, I don't wear clothing! It's a head scratcher, but I know that I'll figure it out eventually, and get out of this mad house! Of course, it's probably good for my blog...

In case I don't see ya: Good afternoon, good evening, and good night!

~Erik

PS: The giants gave me a new collar recently. It's kind of heavier, and they take it off of me every night, put a little flash drive into it, and then put the collar back on. Weird.

My Paw is Fine, and Talk of Catblogging

So, the vet says that my paw is all better! I forgot to mention, it wasn't a huge break in the bone, just a little crack.

Also, has anyone heard of this Friday Catblogging that people are doing? I recently found out about it on a giant's blog. So, I thought, since I am a cat and not a giant, I should do Friday Giantblogging! I'll blog about all of the crazy--and stupid--stuff that my giants have been doing over the past week, just like the giants do about cats.

I think this will make Fridays more interesting.

~Erik

Vet

So, I'm going back to the vet, so that she can check my foot and make sure that it's healing properly. I think this visit is overdue, I climbed the wallpaper after all! But, it's a chance to get away from my brothers, who are pretty mad about not getting the fish, so that'll be nice. I'll see you guys tomorrow.

~Erik

...

Yeah, I spent the night outside.

New Fish--Part 3 (and sorry for the delay)

Sorry about how long it's taken me to get back to this story. Beauty-Spot and I have been working around the clock to get to the two fish first, and I didn't want my brothers to be able to read my blog while we're planning. We've been lucky that neither Scar or Carlyle has struck while we were off our guard, but now that we know what were going to do, I think that I can tell you the whole plan:

Tonight, while Carlyle and Scar are taking their nightly nap, I'm going to sneak into the living room where the fish bowl is and take them one out. I know that this doesn't sound like much, but Carlyle takes his naps right next to the bowl, so I have to be silent. I'm going to climb the wallpaper, and grab the fish. I'll toss it down to Beauty-Spot, who will catch it in her mouth. She'll eat it, and I'll toss down the next one. I'll climb back down, and she'll give me the fish, which I'll eat. If my brothers wake up at any time, we do not abort. I simply eat one fish very quickly, and throw the other one down to Beauty-Spot.

This better work.

~Erik

New Fish--Part 2

Okay, so it's starting to get pretty heated around here. Alliances are starting to form--just so you know, I informed my girlfriend, Beauty-Spot, about the knew fishes, and she's in now, too. Scar and Carlyle are sticking together (it's twin thing) so at this point it's us against them. Beauty-Spot and I are formulating a plan (sorry, I can't say much about it, no doubt Carlyle and Scar are reading this. Better safe than sorry), and no doubt my brothers have their own.

Sorry, Beauty-Spot wants me, we need to get back to work.

More later,

~Erik

New Fish

Okay, so the giant have decided to get two new fish from the local pet shop. They're fighting fish, and kept in the same bowl, so we all know it won't last long. There are two of the fish, and three cats, so the question in need of an answer is, clearly, who gets it?

More on this story, as it develops.

~Erik

Lady and the Tramp

You know what I find really insulting? Lady and the Tramp. Have you heard the song that the Siamese cats sing? It's rude, both to cats and humans from... from wherever they are from.

Nothing much to say.

~Erik

Doggy, By Erik Anderson

So, while I'm recovering from my fall, I thought that I would take a little time to brainstorm, and right a little story. I don't know if I'm actually going to publish it, but it's about a female kitten named Andie (short for Andrée, named that because it sounds like Andean, a wildcat) who's dying mother left her with Lee, a female sled dog. It's going to be a little bit like The Call of the Wild, and a little bit like Balto II. I hope it works out, I really like these characters. I'm going under the name "Erik Anderson", 'cause I doubt if humans would like to read something written by a cat. Also, I'm going to call it Doggy.

~Erik

And I'm Back, Kitty!

Alright, I'm back at home and I'm good as new! I'm confined to half of the house until I get my cast taken off, supposedly so that I don't play with my brothers and get hurt again. I get to sleep 23 hours a day (that's three hours more than usual) and I don't have to deal with Scar and Carlyle! It's a pretty good deal, but I have to wear a cone. Not the greatest.

I don't really know why I'm forced to have this stupid plastic thing around my neck all of the time, it's nothing but a burden. What do they think I'm going to do, chew my cast off? No way!

I might chew it off.

~Erik

My Paw is in a Cast, But At Least the Giants Left Me Their IPad

I'm in a kennel at the vet, hopped up on so many drugs that I'm not totally sure which paw broke. I just thought I ought to say that I'm okay, and the giants left their IPad, so I'll start blogging again soon.

Oh, also my brother Carlyle has been being teased by some neighborhood cats, and asked me to say that he isn't named after some character from a book that I think is about late evening, he's named after some great-uncle of Changes Litter's.

~Erik

No! No, God, Please No! No! No! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

I fell off the roof! I fell off of the roof, and I live in a two-story house, and my back paw was broken! Now, don't worry, my humans ground up some extra-strength aspirin and put it in my Fancy Feast (I only get Fancy Feast on special occasions), so it hurts really bad, but not like it could be hurting. Funny things is, I'm not upset about my paw at all. Worse things have happened, but I have to go to the vet now! Ugh, I can't stand it. Have you seen that really old Garfield special, where in one of his old lives he was a lab animal, and they show his grotesque mutation into a dog? They actually showed his tail twitching and morphing, and the flesh on his paws ripping and his claws being forced out of his paws until they've become dog paws, and his eyes bulging and turning from beautiful cat eyes into scary dog eyes, and they showed his face being horribly deformed (he's shown to be in intense pain, by the way)! That is a vet. That is what vets do. They hurt you, they cut you, they turn you into a dog. And as I eat my Fancy Feast, I know that I am going to my death. Not the death of my body, the death of me. I'll blog until they turn me into a monster dog-cat. I hope I'll be a Dalmatian.

~Erik

Something I Realized About Garfield 2

If you've ever seen this movie (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Garfield_2) you know that Garfield goes to England, and is confused with a royal cat, named Prince. But did you know that Prince was voiced by Tim Curry, the same guy who was in TRHPS? I have seen both movies with my giants recently, and I think that this is the coolest thing ever. I was sure I had heard that voice somewhere!

That is all.

~Erik

There is a Squirrel... At the Window...

There is a squirrel... at the window! What do I do?? I can't go outside, it's too cold, but this squirrel is mocking me. I swear, it's laughing at me right now. It's one of those grey squirrels, not even one of the pretty red ones. Those I can take, those don't talk as much. It's laughing, I can hear it! I am not happy about this.

It's eating the birdseed!!!!!! How am I supposed to catch the birds when all of the bait is gone? If I'm lucky, Beauty-Spot will get it while she's out hunting a little later tonight. She'll get it... She'll stop him... I know it...


I saved a draft of this blog post, and it's been about an hour since the squirrel was at the window. My giants are hand feeding it, now... I feel betrayed.

~Erik

Advice for Kittens

I've made mistakes in my life--many of them, in fact--and I wanted to give some advice to the kittens of today, as well as some fun things to do.

First of all, if you fall from a tree, or down the stairs, or in any other way humiliate yourself, the best way to gain your dignity back is to lick your paw and wash your head. Don't ask me why this works, but it does every time (and no one else knows about it, either).

Second, if you get shut out of the house, don't worry and don't meow at the door. This is fun time! Now, if you don't know where you live, than only stay in the yard, but if you know where you live, than live it up!

Number three has a bit of a story. I learned this one from Garfield the cat, back when I was a kitten. It's helped me out a lot through the years, and you should know it too. Now, this one takes a lot of work and timing, so listen carefully and review this blog post as needed:

This has to take place at night. Your giant will ask if you want to go outside tonight. Linger at the threshold for as long as you can, and then stay inside. Your giant (we'll have it be a male) will go to bed, and you should stay in the living room. Wait until he's in REM state (dreaming). This is key. Now, once he's dreaming, leap onto the bed and demand to go outside. Now you two will go back to the front door and he'll open it for you. Linger, and stay inside. He'll be angry, but he'll go back to bed.

Wait until he's starting to really sleep again. Now, jump onto the bed, and demand to go outside. At this point he might force you out, but if he doesn't, than repeat the last step.

Now, wait until he's barely asleep, and jump on him again, demanding to be let outside. At this point, he'll make you go outside. Now comes the tricky part. You'll have to look through his window and make sure that he's sleeping before you do this. Once he's sleeping, you jump to the trashcans and jump all over them, making sure they're loud enough for the whole neighborhood to hear, and if you're not caterwauling, you're doing it wrong!

Now, don't ask me why this is as much fun as it is. You'll just have to try it, and find out for yourself. Thanks for reading!
~Erik