Smokin' Pole

Have you heard about this North Pole thing? It's a lake!!! Now, I'm just a little mixed-breed--my mother was a Russian Blue and my father was a tabby--but that sounds scary to me. I'm sure that there are lots of house cats over there (this cat has to live somewhere, and he's wearing a sweater vest for a reason) and most of us hate swimming! Now, my giants were watching the Colbert Report and I heard some of it, and that's how I heard about this North Pole thing. I'll admit, I only heard a few seconds and don't know anymore about this. I'm actually starting to forget why I brought it up. I'm just a cat.

~Erik

I Am Brilliant!

Brilliant. That is what I am.

I just had a great idea. Does anyone watch MST3k anymore? Well, my giants watch it, and I've taken quite a liking to it. So how's this for a product? A lamp that looks like Gypsy!
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 



 It's probably been done.

What, Did You Think Cats Couldn't Like TV?

I haven't seen it yet--I have no thumbs, and cannot use the remote, so I have to wait for the giants to watch something that I like too--but I just read the plot synopsis of the last episode of The Office on Wikipedia, and if I were a giant I would be crying. Tears of sadness mixed with those of joy are strange. The only thing that really bothered me: What about Angela's cat, Bandit?? He was taken away, but what happened after?? That should have been gone into, for the benefit of the feline viewers. I, myself, think it would have been a nice way to finish the series up.

~Erik

Swimming Mice

Carlyle, my weirdest brother, has done something very strange.

I walked into the kitchen, where we keep the food and water dishes, and I found one of Carlyle's catnip mice bobbing around in the water. I knew that it had to have been Carlyle, as I had noticed him running around with that little mouse in his mouth, throwing it across the room, and then chasing after it. I don't have anything more to say about it. I just thought it should be said.

~Erik

Kittenhood Tails

I've decided to write a little blog about when Carlyle, Scar and I were all kittens. This blog post is about the first time that I climbed the curtains.

I was only a tiny little cat at the time, maybe three, four months old. Scar, Carlyle and my four sisters hadn't climbed the curtains yet. At that age, I had been the last to do everything. Eat solids, crawl, walk, wrestle. Well, I was going to prove this time that I could be the best at something!

My giants, at the time, were different giants than I have now, and had nice, silk drapes, that had no claw marks or tears. Perfect for climbing (and proving myself). My brothers and sisters had been whispering about climbing it for weeks now--but none of them had had the guts to do it. Yet.

I stood on the dresser. All of the other kittens were looking up at me from the cat-hair carpeted wood floor. My mother was nowhere to be seen. Perfect timing.

I took off--going at light speed--across the dresser, blood rushing through my veins. I ran, and I ran. My littermates gazed up at me, squeaking kitten cheers. And... I... jumped.

How can I explain the feeling of excitement, joy, fear and pure adrenaline that comes when your little kitten claws pierce the fabric of the curtains for the first time? The other kittens cheered as I took my first little 'step' up the drapes. But it was over as soon as it began, because apparently we hadn't checked thoroughly for my mother--she was behind those curtains.

The End.

~Erik

Pizza Crust

Mhmmmmm..... In all my two years, I have never had anything like this... Who new that the part of the giant food that the giants refuse to eat would be so good!

My giants--their names are Gives Food and Changes Litter--were eating one of those pizza things, and Gives Food wasn't eating the crust. When she left the room for more of that purple water that isn't good for cats, and I was feeling bored and playful, so I took the crust off of her plate. As if it was a mouse, I took it in my mouth and ran to the back porch.

And it was good.

~Erik

Beauty-Spot's Blog

Well, today is Beauty-Spot's chance to blog. I'm underlining what she types, so you'll know it's her.

Well, now, I'm finally getting a chance to bloog! I can't believe Erik, not letting me bloog in his bloog. His conplaints are that I spel thing rong. I'm preti sure I don't spel any thing rong! Now, back to business: Have you heard of that new kid show, Dog With a Bloog? I've seen it on comercials when I'm at Erik's. How unrealistic is that? Dog's can't bloog! They have paws, and their claws are stubby. There's no way... Just no way... Now then... What else can I say...? Oh, yeah, everything Carlyle and Scar said when they blooged, no, that isn't how it went. I'm done now.

Isn't she cute?

~Erik and Beauty-Spot

Feeling Better!

I'm way better, it turned out I ate a sick mouse, so I'll be fine if I'm careful about the mice I eat from now on.

So, on to my cousins Ed and Andrew!

First of all, I want to state that they're only a few months old, so I kind of forgive and forget almost anything stupid that they do (at least at this age). So, Ed and Andrew were dropped off in one of those mobile cat homes that is way too small for us, but our giants buy anyway. Once the door was unlocked, they zoomed through the living room, and smashed right into the closed door. I heard them, I didn't see it, as I (along with my brothers) was on the other side. We were howling through the door in greeting, causing the giants to squeal something about hoping the kittens don't get hurt. I can't see why they just don't realize that we want to play with the other cats, and we show it by screeching. How else are we supposed to say "hello" when you shut us out of the room?

So, once we stopped chatting through the door, they finally let my brothers and I into the living room, and we greeted our little cousins in typical kitty fashion. Ed jumped up, and grabbed Scar's ear in his jaws, while Andrew latched onto Carlyle's tail. The giants were yelping and taking the kittens away--again, I have no idea why! We were playing, that is all. But, a moment later, they put them down again, and we got to chatting.

It seems that Andrew and Ed have gotten themselves some little kitten girlfriends--although they're their sisters, and they're pretending to be married with children (their children being multicolored catnip mice). Ed told me that they got the idea from me and Beauty-Spot, and I suppose I was flattered, or maybe creeped out because of the sister thing.

We spent hours and hours playing, chasing toy mice, catching each others' tails, stealing Neighbor-Doggy's food, that kind of thing. But then, in typical kitten fashion, they messed it all up.

Ed and Andrew were climbing around on the mantle, where our fish tank resides. I wasn't watching them--just for a moment, I swear--and Ed dared his more adventurous brother to jump over the tank, and onto the bookcase (which he wouldn't have gotten to even if he had succeeded in jumping over the fish tank). Andrew--never to refuse a dare--sprinted across the mantle, and jumped, a bit to early. He landed directly in the fish tank, and sunk. He flapped his little arms like a bird, and came gasping to the surface. Andrew--no cat would pass up this opportunity--grabbed a few of the gold fish in his claws, jumped out of the tank, and swallowed all of them before Ed could get to him.

My cousins everybody!

~Erik

I Wish I Could Tell You About My Cousins Today...

...But I'm feeling very weak and sick. I can barely write this blog post. I may have to go to the vet, but I'm hoping not. Sorry about this.

~Erik

Ed and Andrew (More in Next Post)

I really can't blog right now--my cousins, Ed and Andrew are visiting while their giants are off doing something. They just love to bother me, so once they're gone around tomorrow at sunset, I'll be back.
My apologies.

~Erik

Carlyle and Scar Get a Chance to Blog Today

This is Erik. I decided I should give Carlyle and Scar a chance to blog today, just because they can't figure out how to start their own. Soon, I'll probably give Beauty-Spot a chance to blog, too. They're bugging me, so I'll be quick, okay? I'm bolding everything Carlyle says, and italicizing everything Scar says, so that you can tell who's typing.
I'm sorry. ~Erik

Carlyle is here!!! C! A! R! L! Y! L! E! If Erik hasn't talked about me yet, he's an idiot. I bet if he has talked about me, he hasn't talked aboubjjjjjtgp;.l bnmibovg fvbvggbupjv ln

Scar's her, kitties! Brother is trying rfdb to get back eiojfeg ahold of the keyboaowejnbeg sorry! That was supposed to say "keyboard", by the way. So, I bet Erik hasn't told you about the time when me and Carlyle both dated Beauty-Spot at the same tieuwf      uh240rgwvefdv

Yeah, they didn't do that. I'm not here supervising, I only walked in for water, so I'll correct all of the stupid things they say in the comment section.

Carlyle is BACK baby! So, I read Erik's first little blog post, and you guys have only heard one side of that story! So, Beauty-Spot was laughing (which we thought was rude, by the way), so me and Scar came outside (because we're concerned, not nosey) and we found our little brother hanging by his claws from the tree! Scar will finish the story up.

God, he takes a long time. You're just reading this, that took him three hourebfdjntwepdghb

SCAR SPEAKS LIES!!!

Okay, okay.  So, Erik was hanging from the tree, and we saw him. I--not laughing--climbed up the tree, and, true to my name, I tried to help my brother, grab his paws and all, but he JUST FELL! It was real funny, though, he licked his paw and rubbed his head, because he thought that was DIGNIFIED! He should know by now that it only works when I do that. Alright, that's all for me. Carlyle? Anything to add?

Well, seeing as Erik isn't in the room... That guy can NOT play piano. Really, that guy does not understand scales and arpeggios if you know what I mean ^..^

Buy!!!!!!

LAZARUS

I... could not... be more upset...

My neighbors decided that it would be a good idea to get a dog. Yes, you heard right a dog!!! They got this yippity little rat-dog, no bigger than a young kitten. I really don't know how they get so small nowadays, they didn't used to be like that. She's a little white dog that they decided to call "Lazarus" (I don't think that that's a word). The little guy is so loud a squeaky, that I was sure for a while that they had gotten a small siren, and were blasting it out the window...

Then I realized that would be kind of weird. So, deciding that I had to know what this strange sound was, I hopped through their open window. And I know what your thinking, I shouldn't do that, but they're cat people--or I thought they were until Lazarus came 'round--so it's okay.

I leapt through the window, and--just my luck--landed directly in the occupied dog bed. Little Lazarus jumped up, and bit into my tail. Lucky for me, I'm a lot stronger than her. I smacked the yipping thingy in face, causing her to fall backwards. Don't ask me why, I think it's just a dog thing.

So, Lazarus almost literally on my tail, I jumped through the window again. Now get this-- she actually followed me out! Or she tried... The little dog jumped, hit the wall, and fell down. I pranced home, content.

Erik

What is With This Spelling: Meercats??

What is up with that?? "Meercat?" I think that would sound like mere-sat, if someone said it. This, this is a meerkat (notice the K):

Right there. Right up there, see it? Meerkat. With a K!!! It isn't a cat!!! This is a cat:

 

That's a cat. Everyone get it, now?? A cat is a cat, a meerkat is a mongoose. I can't tell you how much this has bothered me for all my two years!

Well, I hope it's clear now.

Erik

Alright Carlyle, Okay Scar, I Posted It

Scar has been begging me to post this. Don't ask me why, it's not even a very good story, but he must've just gotten bored of the tree story, and needed something else to laugh at. It's really not something I'd like to share with the world, but I might as well, I have to post one of these everyday, so... Alright. No more beating around the bush. I'll tell you now. Here it goes...

Okay, so it's really late, I think about four in the morning, and I had just come in from a long night out with Beauty-Spot. It had been fun, going through garbage cans, cleaning out the neighbors' koi pond, all that stuff. I bid her goodnight, and headed back to my own house. Now, keep in mind, although cats can see in the dark, I have a bad left eye, and I was very tired that night. So I walk in through the cat door, to the washer and drier room, where we keep the cat box (we have one of those topless cat boxes). I got right into the cat box, and did what you would expect me to do. I left the room, and slept the night.

I really don't want to go into great detail, it was horrifying, so I'll just tell you the end of the story, okay? The giant screamed, and took the shoe off.

That's all for now...

Buuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrnnnnnnnnnn

I'll start off by telling you that it only got my fur, nothing important.

So, I was walking around on the kitchen table, just minding my own business. One of the giants had put out a few candles, and some fancy drinks out (by the way, kittens out there, don't lap up the fizzy drinks that the giants like, it's bad for cats), and they had made some fancy food. My brother, Carlyle, was chasing a catnip mouse around kitchen, batting it from paw-to-paw, and he took notice of my tail, dangling down from off of the table. Growling, Carlyle put his paws up on the chair, and snapped at my tail.

In defense, I swished my tail away from his jaws, and the tip of it went right into the flame of a nearby candle. Busy growling down at Carlyle, I didn't notice the sizzling sound, until it occurred to me to look at what he was pointing up at. With a yelp, and fell off of the table in surprise, and landed right on top of Carlyle.

He pushed me off of him, and laughed, pointing out that my tail was singed down, so I looked a bit like the rats he spent all day evicting from our neighborhood. Still laughing, he growled, and grabbed my tail in his paws. I moment later, we were wrestling, and pulled the whole tablecloth down onto the floor! Needless to say, the food and drinks were on the floor, too. But, lucky for me, my brother Scar walked in just as the giants came running, and I hurried--undetected, I might add--into the other room. For the first time, Scar was actually helpful.

That's all for now!

I Am Not Proud...

Okay, okay, so I got caught in a tree today, no big deal. It's not bad, I know it's not a bad thing, but it is a little shameful, I suppose. If you're really interested, here's the story:

I was sitting out on the sunny balcony with my girlfriend, Beauty-Spot. She had climbed all the way up that huge oak in the front lawn just to see me today. As sweet as I knew that was of her, I felt like less of a tom. I mean, I'm two years old, and I've never gone more than five feet up a tree before! And Beauty-Spot had done it so easily, too, and if she could do it I could. Hopping onto the railing, I called to her;

"Beautiful, watch this!"

And I took a flying leap from the railing to the high branches of the oak tree... And of course it bent. I yelped, springing to the nearest branch... which bent. Climbing higher and higher, the branches were only growing weaker and weaker. Now, by this point Beauty-Spot (of course) was laughing hysterically, and (of course!) this drew the attention of my horrible littermates, Scar and Carlyle. They scampered through the open doors, and jumped onto the railing, hissing with laughter at their poor brother! They clambered into the tree with me, and leapt from branch to branch (don't ask me how they got so good!), and Scar, imitating his namesake, grabbed my paws. Laughing, he cried "long live the cat!", and threw me down!

Okay now, you should know that cat's don't always land on their feet... Sometimes they land on their face. But don't worry, I'm okay, and so is my pride, because I got back on my feet, licked my paw, and rubbed it on my head. For all you kittens out there, if you lick your paw and rub your head, other cats will know that you're dignified.

That's all for now!