Advice for Kittens

I've made mistakes in my life--many of them, in fact--and I wanted to give some advice to the kittens of today, as well as some fun things to do.

First of all, if you fall from a tree, or down the stairs, or in any other way humiliate yourself, the best way to gain your dignity back is to lick your paw and wash your head. Don't ask me why this works, but it does every time (and no one else knows about it, either).

Second, if you get shut out of the house, don't worry and don't meow at the door. This is fun time! Now, if you don't know where you live, than only stay in the yard, but if you know where you live, than live it up!

Number three has a bit of a story. I learned this one from Garfield the cat, back when I was a kitten. It's helped me out a lot through the years, and you should know it too. Now, this one takes a lot of work and timing, so listen carefully and review this blog post as needed:

This has to take place at night. Your giant will ask if you want to go outside tonight. Linger at the threshold for as long as you can, and then stay inside. Your giant (we'll have it be a male) will go to bed, and you should stay in the living room. Wait until he's in REM state (dreaming). This is key. Now, once he's dreaming, leap onto the bed and demand to go outside. Now you two will go back to the front door and he'll open it for you. Linger, and stay inside. He'll be angry, but he'll go back to bed.

Wait until he's starting to really sleep again. Now, jump onto the bed, and demand to go outside. At this point he might force you out, but if he doesn't, than repeat the last step.

Now, wait until he's barely asleep, and jump on him again, demanding to be let outside. At this point, he'll make you go outside. Now comes the tricky part. You'll have to look through his window and make sure that he's sleeping before you do this. Once he's sleeping, you jump to the trashcans and jump all over them, making sure they're loud enough for the whole neighborhood to hear, and if you're not caterwauling, you're doing it wrong!

Now, don't ask me why this is as much fun as it is. You'll just have to try it, and find out for yourself. Thanks for reading!
~Erik